Hook, Line, and Phantom
by Chicken Yuki
Summary: The Phantom Thief knows: His own lines are on the stale and cheesy side. His innate sexiness can hold out so long on its own, so he resorts to meeting with an anonymous benefactor for a line more fresh and exciting. Crack and Skye Fan Service Galore.


_Disclaimer: Me not own Harvest Moon. It be Natsume's._

_Other Notes: Too many references to name. Hopefully you can catch some of them, though._

* * *

**Harvest Moon**

**Hook, Line and Phantom**

Somewhere in an undisclosed location, a certain Phantom Thief paced back and forth with something hard on his mind.

"Curses, I need a new catchphrase!" he snarled.

Up against the wall was a figure entirely shrouded in black, its silhouette extremely hard to discern.

"And that's why you came to me? To get some help with this new catchphrase of yours?" the shadowy figure asked.

"Of course! Most of my lines up to now have sounded like they came from a cheesy romance script! I can't thrive on that stale stuff forever! I'm already having a hard enough time trying to use my uber-sexiness to counter my purple pants! Do you realize how surprisingly detrimental these trousers are? Man, I didn't know having some fun with the Witch Princess would condemn me to an eternity of wearing purple pants…" Skye groaned.

"I can see how the pants can be a turn-off, man." The figure mentioned sympathetically.

"And so, this is where YOU come in! Please help me out with a new line! Something that will wow the ladies while being true to myself, you know? It's hard toting around my sexiness without a winning line, and I know you're one of the best around! I can't believe a Phantom Thief like me ended up resorting to this…" Skye sighed.

"From my personal experience, I know that even the best of us need some help every once and awhile, man. I'll be glad to help." The mystery figure noted.

"So then, since I set this meaning ahead of time, do you already have a few proposals on you?" Skye asked.

"I'm glad you asked, my Phantom Friend. Don't worry, I got a few choice ones that you should like.. How about this one?"

The international individual of mystery then let out a cough before announcing his first suggestion:

"Show me your boobs!" the voice declared in a daring tone.

Skye shook his head.

"What?! No… no way! Goddess, no. Besides, I've heard that one from that poser Rock already, and he's getting his face slapped about in more ways that I can count from using that one. Please move on."

"Okay, okay. I got another that around the same area that's more subtle, yet clearly gets the message across:

"Oh my goddess, a giant rack! It's a rack, and it's giant!""

"My friend, that one sounds even less intelligent than the last one. I have a reputation to consider, and if I had to decide between my old one-liners and these ones, I'd junk your current ones. Besides, I know my beauties inside and out: not all of them go for breast praising. Please tell me you have better ones." Skye demanded.

"Ah, geez… you're really making this tough on me, my Phantom Friend, but luckily I've broadened out the selection just for you. Since the last two were too perverted, let's focus on that love of curry you have, alright?" the figure suggested.

"Okay, let's what you have in that category." Skye agreed.

"Good. Here's the first one I came up with:

"My curry brings all the girls to the yard.""

At that point, Skye was just too dumbfounded to respond.

"….Okay, okay, so I took that one from song lyrics and changed it around and it ended up sounding even lamer than the original. Luckily, I took this next one more serious. You consider yourself a badass, don't you?"

"Sure. It's part of my rep." Skye grinned.

"Alright, here's one that that should be more up your alley:

"I'm here to kick ass and eat curry, and I'm all of curry!"

You know? Because you're a Phantom Thief to steal the right ingredients for that curry, and you're kicking ass to do it?" the figure suggested.

"That one does sound more straightforward, but at the same time, it's a little too convoluted for a pick-up line. I could use that as a line during a Cooking Competition, so I'll give you credit there." Sky analyzed.

"Right… it's all about the girls." The figure muttered to himself. "Okay! I have one that more clearly states your position right here:

"I fight for my chicks."

Skye stared rather dubiously at his mystery helper.

"Why did you say that in a near-monotone voice?" he asked.

The figure shrugged.

"I don't know… I thought that line would sell better if you tried to play off a stoic angle. Heck, my brother's a pretty stoic guy himself, and girls go for him for some reason."

Skye shook his head.

"Stoic ain't me, buddy. I'm full of life and late night romancing. Besides, this is farming community we're dealing with. Some of the ladies hearing it might take me too literality." He stated.

Again, the figure shrugged.

"Well, if you're not that way, you could just say it more passionately so they know exactly what you mean!" The figure suggested.

"Sorry to say, pal, but I don't think that's quite my style either. I'm a lover and a thief, not a fighter." He grinned.

"Hm…. Maybe that last line you threw out could work."

"Nah, not poignant enough." Skye sighed," I need something more awe-inspiring."

"Okay then." The figure groaned. "Say, is there any particular girl you might be going for?"

"Well", Skye pondered in pleasure, "There is this cute blonde farmer named Claire. I think out of all the girls, I find myself looking most forward to running into her."

"I think I got just the thing then!" the figure proclaimed. "It's exciting, it's direct, and it doesn't skimp on the emotion!"

"Well?" Skye demanded.

Once more, the figure cleared his throat carefully before delivering Skye's next potential one-liner:

"KUREAAAAAAAAA!!"

Again, Skye was confounded… this time by his helper's hysterical war cry.

"Um… pal? I said her name is "Claire"." He corrected.

"I know. "Ku-re-a". "Claire" the figure clarified.

"Huh?"

"Seriously, you don't know the Japanophile Phenomenon that's hit these lands lately? The ladies love a guy who can work a little bit of Japanese aesthetic in their persona, it seems. If you can hit the love of your life by proclaiming her name in a Japanese accent, she just might submit without question." The figure explained.

"But…that's… I don't know. It's hard to sound suave if you're yelling at the top of your lungs like a psychopath in the middle of the night. Besides, that sounds more like something I'd cry once I finally made it in bed with her." Skye debated, "Surely you don't have at least one more line to consider?"

The figure suddenly froze in its tracks.

"_Oh man, this is it! That was my last prepared line! If I can't think of something perfect on the spot, my name will be tarnished! Think! Think!" _the figure pondered.

At that moment, the figure took a careful glance at the client's silvery hair and was filled with new inspiration.

"That's it! THAT'S IT!" the figure cried.

"What?! What's it?" Skye demanded to know.

"Your hair! The answer lies in your hair!" the figure announced.

"And…?"

"As a smooth-talking pretty bad boy with an awesome hair color, there can only be one line that suits you perfectly!" the figure declared.

"And that would be…?"

The figure then unleashed a triumphant laugh before proceeding to unleash his last-minute trump card:

"SCREW THE RULES! I HAVE SILVER HAIR!!"

The Phantom Thief froze in shock. At first, he was too paralyzed by uncertainty, but gradually, the power of the statement overwhelmed him with copious impact.

"That's… that's perfect! After tossing out a Maiden Chick Beam and coming face to face with a frozen beauty, I deliver that line and everything will fall in place! My pal, you are a genius!"

The figure replied with a pleased chuckle.

"Well, when you're hit with inspiration in all the right places, it'll come to you." The figure gloated.

"Alright then, so to preserve our identities, this meeting never happened." Skye proposed, "but you'll still be getting that sample of curry for your payment as promised."

"Good, I can't wait to try me some curry!" the figure said in anticipation.

"Ciao for now, my friend." Skye smirked before he disappeared in the shadows.

Upon the thief's escape, lightning flashed outside of the meeting place, revealing the figure to have a star-spangled bandana on his head.

"Heheheh… Another victory for America."

* * *

"MAIDEN CHICK BEAM!!"

Immediately, a blonde-haired girl in blue overalls was caught in a magical beam of light, and was rendered motionless.

Standing right before her was the Phantom Thief himself, with a smirk plastered on his face.

"W-wait a minute…did you just sneak into Romana's villa to steal an incredibly valuable curry recipe?" the girl asked.

"Yeah, so?" the Phantom Thief remarked.

"That's against the rules, isn't it?!" the girl cried back.

Skye responded with a devious laugh before proceeding to caress his own, silky smooth hair.

"Screw the rules, I have silver hair!" Skye proclaimed defiantly.

The helpless farmer started feeling faint upon the profound deliver of his line. Before she could act any further, Skye already made his escape and was too far from view. Although her body remained stiff, her pounding heart surely wasn't. And her face wasn't above changing shades.

"Who…who was that man?" she asked herself in wonder.

Deep in the night, The Phantom Thief was still fleeing the scene with curry recipe in hand. In all aspects, it was clearly a good night for him.

"Finally, Skye is back, baby!"

* * *

_Author's Notes: I've been watching too much Yu-gi-oh the Abridged Series… But yeah, I had this idea for a quite a long time after reading a few Skye stories and a very delicious parody, but College Work has kept me distracted to a point where I somehow forgot this idea! Glad I remembered! And hope you had fun reading!_

_In case you didn't get it at the end, the mystery helper was indeed Joe. Yep, Skye went all the way to Flowerbud Village just to get help. Joe's smarter than most would think, you know._

_But please remember that other story I put up recently: "Might of the Pen". It's a Two-Shotter that just tickle your fancy if you give it a chance._


End file.
